Ok... 212 possible choices! That's a lot of cra... I mean high-quality fashionable mlb sponsored merchandise! Yay mlb.com! Hmm that's too many to look through, though. Let's set that recipient to "male". Wait... let me check... yep male. Ok 157. Now we can cut the pric....oh my god. What the hell!?
What the hell costs $9499?!? (and who's the genius that thinks that pricing it at $9500 would drive away potential buyers?)
Ah it's a crystal baseball bat . For Billy Crystal? Hey Hey! Or maybe this mysterious player. 10 to 1 that guy was a alien or time-traveler or something. Jesus - I could not go near that thing. I would just have to have someone throw me a pitch with a glass ball. Have to.
OK let's keep this budget friendly. Screw the fat cats on Wall Street. Natsbaseball is all about main street USA. Front porches and tire swings and kids playing choking games. $100 or less.
114 left. That's still alot. We can cut it down more - I am not much of a "collector". (though I am vaguely interested in what would be "collected" but not "displayed". An awful rendering of Nats Park, some sort of coin set in plastic perfect for... umm storing away? It even sits on a... storing stand I guess. Yeah - this is crap. I wouldn't want to display these things in my house. Kudos to you mlb.com)
Now I'm at 107. That only cut 7? Jesus, help me out here computer. I can do one more thing - choose my personality. Which one fits me better "All-Star"? Or perhaps "All-Star"? Ok I'm afraid to choose either of those because it must be some sort of test. The "clutch collector" would have to clash with the collector choice so that's out. I'm not a memorabilia maniac either. More of a lunatic of legacies. Let's choose the rest.
80. Damn. Let's knock out "Utility Player" (too Guzmanian) and "General Manager" (too Bowdenian). 65. This is getting tedious. Time for drastic cuts. I'm going to move the price from $20-$50 and knock off groundskeeper. I'm a manager or every-day player dammit.
16! That's more like it. Let's see what's first.... of course! HIDEOUS LIGHT SWITCH PLATES! How does it know I have terrible taste? Mlb.com must have been talking to my wife. A couple of ugly hats, some t-shirts. I don't need no more t-shirts. Bowls, clocks... I find none of this appealing.
Hmm, perhaps I'm looking at this in the wrong way. Maybe I made a mistake way early in the process. Let me make one little change... that did it!
Thanks mlb.com computer! Happy Holidays!