Nationals Baseball: Lose.

Tuesday, May 19, 2015

Lose.

Lose big. Lose small. Lose early. Lose late. However you want to do it. Just lose. This isn't personal. It's just that when the Yankees are involved there is one team of good guys and 28 others and one team of bad guys. For the next two days the Nats are just one of those 28.

Did you know Gio's last game was hot garbage? It's true! You can't trust that guy.

Zimm (.235 / .286 / .235) and Ramos (.273 / .308 / .273) have both cooled way down! Desmond and Escobar have similar blah numbers the past week.  Danny is crushing lefties that is true. Which hand does Eovaldi throw with again? Oh yeah the right one.  Werth has been hot, and he's not playing (Booo Nats for real though - for taking away my chance to heartily root against Werth). Bryce? Ummm... we'll pitch around that guy, between talks with Scott Boras on what small island he'd like the Yankees to give him in a few years.

Here are some potential terrible HR calls from John Sterling for when Bryce joins the Yankees.

"Bryce crushes it over the canyon!"
"I don't want to harp on it, but it's another home run for Bryce!"
"Bryce Bryce Baby!"
"Isn't it nice, another homer for Bryce!"
"The Bryce is Right!"
"Bryce up your life!"

Let's do this!

48 comments:

Anonymous said...

Boo this man and his horrible blog.

I'll start reading again and be a fan on Thursday!

Natsochist said...

Harper, you just went through a list of my fantasy team names over the last three years. Get out of my head!

Donald said...

In all seriousness, when do you succumb to the Stockholm syndrome and embrace the Nats as your favored team? Do you spend as much time thinking about and analyzing each player on the Yankees as you do with the Nats?

Eventually, there will come a day when the two teams are playing each other, Tyler Moore makes a spectacular diving catch a la Souza to save the game and a smile will break out across your face.

Harper said...

"Mama's cooking up some Red Beans and Bryce!"

G Cracka X said...

Harper, are you surprised that the Yankees have the same record as the Nats at this point of the season?

Harper said...

Donald - Tyler Moore? I can think of at least 3 reasons your scenario will never happen.

Carl said...

So where are you in this gif?
http://www.progressiveboink.com/2012/5/31/2995814/yankeesfans-gif-animated-yankee-enthusiasts-story

Harper said...

GCX - Yes. Mainly because I, like everyone else, expected the Nats to roll. But it's not actually that weird. I'd have guess Yanks a game lower, Nats two game up, so it's in the range of possibilities

Jimmy said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jimmy said...

The best thing to ever happen would be Tyler Moore having one outstanding defensive play and two crucial pinch hit home-runs in this series.

Bjd1207 said...

Luckily Eovaldi is terrible against all lefties, so Danny should fare well I expect. And that's if he even swings. With Eovaldi's walk rate and lack of strikeout stuff if MW has Danny in the 8 spot he's probly drawing 2 walks tonight.

Should be Span in the lineup I hope, and then I really like our chances tonight.

Eovaldi's a pushover, you know it Harper

Fries said...

Difo being recalled...any thoughts on this?

Anonymous said...

Out of curiosity, are you a transplanted New Yorker, or are you one of those awful front-running bandwagon jumpers?

Harper said...

Carl - I am all of them.

Jimmy - that is not true for me or the Nats.

BJD - Eovaldi facts! Tonight's kryptonite! Every pitcher has some days where they just have it going on. I'm hanging my hat on that.

Fries - Difo is probably, probably just the best option. The Nats OF depth in the minors was Michael Taylor then Goodwin. Goodwin is struggling so there is literally nothing there.

Harper said...

Anon - I'm not quite sure which team you are talking about me bandwagon jumping on but yes I am a New York raised.

Ollie said...

Seconding Anonymous' question, but also as a recovered Orioles fan who remembers the Jeffrey Maier game I wish your team nothing but the worst of luck.

WiredHK said...

Yanks have lost 5 of their last 6 and Eovaldi's last start was also meh. 5-3 Nats win tonight, but Yanks earn the split since we have to trot Cole out there Wednesday (ugh, with Roark sitting there just waiting to win games for us right now, too).

Bjd1207 said...

Serious jump for Difo if he does get the roster tonight (not that he'll necessarily play)

Started the season in High-A, now about to face major league pitching. Hope he stays true to his game

JE34 said...

Harper, please go back to being a soulless automaton immediately.

And I know this is your blog, but further mention of John Sterling, the absolute bottom-of-the-barrel worst broadcaster in baseball, must be prohibited here. It is a crime that he is paid to do that job. Definitely has compromising photos of someone important in NY. Lavar Arrington would be better calling Yankee games.

Bjd1207 said...

@JE34 - I think Harper should have to nominate a stand-in soulless automaton for the next two days, or whenever the Nats play the Yankees.

Like when the President has to abdicate power in certain emergency situations, or judges sitting out on certain rulings due to personal conflicts.

Froggy said...

Yes, Jankees must lose.

Harper - your blog should be
Nationals* Baseball

With the asterisk referring to except when they play the Jankees. Watching A-roid play ball everyday is like watching a guilty OJ Simpson after the trial looking for Nicole Brown's killer on every golf course in America.

I hope the Nats crush the Damn Jankees!

Michael said...

Never commented on your blog, but have read it fairly faithfully for a couple of years now. My comment today: that was a hilarious post. Contrary to a previous post, it's fun to see your non-automaton side. For the past few days, I've thought, "I know you're not really a Nats fan, but can you PLEASE get a little geeked about the BRYCE we've been seeing?!" But noooo, it's cold hard stats and comparisons.

SM said...

Why, I'd sell my soul to . . . Lola? Is that you, Lola?

JD said...

As a fellow Yankee/Nationals fan, I'm pretty conflicted about this series. I guess a split and the Rays/Mets losing the next two would be good. With more HRs from Bryce and A-Rod.

Anthony Rendon said...

If the Yanks sweep the season series I'm going to jump off a cliff. The good news is Bryce Harper will be Harpering the nats into a series sweep.

Anthony Rendon said...

Harper how many bombs would Bryce hit in Yankee stadium? I'm thinking 60-80.

Eric said...

"we have to trot Cole out there Wednesday"

I'm not so sure...Weds is now listed as TBD for the Nats on mlb.com, whereas Cole was apparently listed previously.

If he *does* pitch, hopefully it will be more like SD and less like ATL...!

G Cracka X said...

The last time the Yankees played the Nats at Nats Park during the regular season, the Yanks took all three games. Hopefully things are different this time around

WiredHK said...

@Eric - Still says Cole on ESPN, where did you see it at TBD? I was def thinking that the extended outing for Roark Sunday (3 innings) stretched him out a bit in prep for the Wednesday start, though. Here's to hoping, anyway.

Annnnd, Werth to DL. Ugh.

WiredHK said...

Sorry, just saw you said on MLB.com. Ignore my ask, Eric.

Robot said...

I HATE THIS BLOG AND I HATE YOU!*


*just for the next couple days

Rob Evans said...

The mere thought of Bryce going to the Evil Empire makes me want to barf. If he does, I hope he becomes Mark Teixeira

Harper said...

Ollie - understandable.

Wired HK - TOO MANY FACTS. THIS SERIES IS ABOUT HEART!

Difo - Worth a shot given the Nats options.

JE34 - Beep Beep Boop.

I don't hate Sterling (I don't really like him either) but I understand that's just growing up with the guy. He's objectively not very good and his partner Suzyn Waldman is TERRIBLE.

BJD - Who has access to the (publish) button?!

Froggy - Or watching Werth drive a car pressing his luck to and from Nats park

Michael - I actually am pretty geeked about Bryce. I wouldn't mind seeing him hit a few more homers the next few days (as long as the Nats don't win). I don't THINK he'll hit 50, but it would be totally cool if he could keep being hot straight through the All-Star break and we can start talking about 60 or 70.

SM - Notice the devil was all-in on a deal that would have the Yankees lose. Shows you what side the heavens are on.

JD - I'd take a split if offered - road games versus a good Nats team that's gotta be best you can reasonbly hope for.

AR - don't land on your knee or side

There's one way to find out how many he'd hit. I smell trade!

Eric - old Yanks would have made Cole look good. The combo of uber-patience and rookies being told to through strikes led to many a mediocre guy having a sterling debut versus Yanks. New Yanks aren't as patient.

GCX - See they are comfortable! 2nd home!

Harper said...

Robot - oddly those days are May 27th and June 14th.

Rob Evans - comes to the Yankees and wins a World Series in year 1? I'll take that. At peak form from age 26-29. I'll take that. That's all you could possibly be referring to.

Kenny B. said...

I'm not sure how this post works, jinx-wise. Perhaps the jinx fairies will be so confused that the series ultimately comes down to talent and performance on the field. In that case, I like the Nats to win...

Unless that's a jinx...

Oh no I've gone cross-eyed.

Anonymous said...

Well, today we've learned that AI has progressed so far that it's learned to troll.

Slow clap.

Froggy said...

Harper, so morally equivocating Werth speeding (admitting guilt, paying a fine and doing his time) to a career serial denier / liar PED user....really?

Ok dude.

VA said...

For my money, there is no worse announcer in baseball than our very own Bob Carpenter. FP is his Suzyn. Just brutal to listen to when the Nats are winning. Neverending cliches wrapped in memes.

Chaos said...

THAT'S what I wanted to see right before the series starts! Bring on the blood!

Harper, you pinstripe-souled (soiled?) blogger. May old age rot your team, starting tonight.

Seriously, best laugh of the day--and yet another reason to love baseball.

Chaos

Soulless Automaton said...

Circuts Faili

J. Henry Waugh said...

Zimmerman walk-off (as he tends to do), Bryce homers again, Nats in first with a better record than the Yankees. Does it get any better than this?

Froggy said...

After Harper struck out I turned to my seat mate and said 'no worries, Zimmy is Mr Walk-off'

...and then BOOM shackalacka!

Eric said...

I was feeling quite strong when Zim got ahead in the count. I all but had a vision of him hitting a laser off the right-field wall moments before the final pitch. And, it turned out even better!

J. Henry Waugh said...

Those who lead Zimmerman in walk-off home runs in NL history? Stan Musial. That is it.

Boom goes the dynamite.

Anonymous said...

Chocolate sauce. We need to be talking about the chocolate sauce problem. If the players take it into their own hands, there will be injured pride and/or ligaments. MW, where are you when this team needs you??

Zimmerman11 said...

Harper,

bwaaaa hahahahahahahaha!!!

BWAAAA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Also, is Bryce signing in NY in a few years gonna be the end of this blog?

karl kolchak said...

There is no better example of the obnoxiousness of Yankees fans that the taunting assumption that Bryce will sign with them as a free agent, ignoring the fact that even Roid-Rod originally signed with the lousy Texas Rangers because they offered him the most money. The Nats' owners have deep pockets and the Yankees don't throw money around as recklessly as they did when the odious Steinbrenner was still alive.

Harper said...

kk - I think the assumption is the Yankees will offer the most money but you are right Bryce will follow the money - whereever that is. Just like everyone else.